if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
