I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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