Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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