im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
