I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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