Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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