You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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