If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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