I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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