My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
