I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
