i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
