TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
