Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
