PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
