I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
