Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
