oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
