How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize