Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Boobs speak an international language.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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