call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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