I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
