Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
