I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
