I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize