Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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