My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
