i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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