I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
