nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Be still, my beating vagina.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
