If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
