i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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