Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
