i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Who died my cat blue again?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
