He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's blow job season.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
