Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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