Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
