I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
