The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
