im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
