Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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