And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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