I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
