96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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