her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
