I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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