ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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