Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
