God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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