you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize