Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
