Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
