ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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