i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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