i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
