so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
