Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
