I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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