the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
