All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
