Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm passing your future prison.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
