So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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