i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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